Asking For Help Does Not Make One Weak

When I was in high school, Driver’s Ed was a required class, and I took it during the 2^nd semester of my 10^th grade year. After the class, I could have gotten my driving permit, but because I wasn’t willing to discuss things with other people, I didn’t. I took Driver’s Training during the 1^st semester of my 11^th grade year, and after the class, I could have gotten my driver’s license, but because I wasn’t willing to discuss things with people, I didn’t. When I finally went to the DMV to take the written test, so much time had passed since taking Driver’s Ed, and since I hadn’t studied, I failed the test twice. I passed the test a year later, but I went from possibly having a driver’s license at 15, to getting it a few months shy of 17; not a big difference, but a difference. 

During this same time, I had amassed enough credits to be able to graduate from high school one semester early. However, when I approached my counselor to tell her that I was ready to leave school, she asked me if I had taken the Civics class that was required for seniors. When I realized that I hadn’t, I was forced to return to school for an additional semester in order to take a single class. As it turned out, if I had spoken to my counselor before my senior year in high school, I would have known about the class, would have taken the class, and would have finished high school one semester early. 

The meaning of this is that young people often convince themselves that older generations are not able to relate to the modern times, and thus cannot offer advice or information that will help the current generation. The truth is that experience is a great teacher, and people who have experienced things can use those experiences as educational tools for the next generations. 

I always tell my children that they need to be willing to, and cannot be afraid to, ask for help. It is possible to learn things on one’s own, but at times, there will be a need to get answers from people who have information that we do not have, or who can give us insight into an unknown situation, like with my driver’s license. 

Asking for help does not make a person weak or inferior. In fact, the opposite is true. Greater strength is required when we admit that we do not know everything, and that help is needed, or that we simply need to speak to someone about our situation. Stewing in a vat of misinformation does not make us stronger. Asking for help shows strength, and receiving help when needed strengthens us even more.

What You Did in the Past Could Affect Your Future

The current climate of famous men being brought to task because of inappropriate actions that happened in years past reminds me of a bit of advice that I received from my mother, and that I passed along to my children. The advice was to be careful with what you are doing because your indiscretions might not come back on you today, but they will almost certainly come back to you when you least expect it. 

As the number of famous and powerful men who are being outed due to their inappropriate sexual behavior continues to grow, very few of them are actually denying the claims. Many are simply apologizing for their actions, and are accepting their punishments. As a result, these men are resigning from, or are being fired from their jobs, or are having jobs taken away from them, and are costing themselves millions of dollars. Sadly however, very few of these claims are related to recent actions. Many are from several years or decades ago, and the actions are just now catching up with the men. 

I have often told my children that the things that they do today will affect their lives tomorrow. Whether it is the appearance of an 18-year-old unknown child, a forgotten arrest, or, as in the case of these men, sexual misconduct that was thought to have been overlooked, forgotten or dismissed, these things tend to resurface, particularly as people get rich, famous and powerful. When these situations arise, they must be dealt with, whereas, if they had been dealt with at the time that they occurred, or better yet, had never occurred, the events and actions would not be haunting their perpetrators years later. 

The moral of this is in order to not be caught flat-footed because of a stupid thing from the past; we must try not to do stupid things. The question surrounding Dallas Cowboys Running Back Ezekiel Elliott was whether or not he would be able and allowed to play football again, when it should have been a question of why he keeps getting into trouble, and how to keep it from happening again. These men are in trouble today because of misguided actions from their pasts, but if they had been thinking beyond the moment in time, and looking towards their futures, perhaps they would have been mindful of how their then-present actions would affect their futures.

We Should Let The Bible Be Our Guide (Excerpt from "Things I've Learned From the Word")

Lots of people will get a new device, will take the thing out of its packaging, and will start trying to use it without knowing what the thing is capable of or how the thing does what it is supposed to do. We will buy a new camera and will immediately start trying to take pictures, and when we can’t figure it out, we get frustrated. We will buy a washing machine, and will immediately pile it full of dirty clothes, only to be confused by all of the buttons and switches on the front of the machine.

I actually once bought a car, and after driving it around for a couple of years, a warning light started showing on my dashboard. I looked at the light and, thinking that I knew what the light represented, I took the car to my mechanic and informed him that I needed a new alternator because the light was on. The mechanic was an honest man, and after checking the car, he told me that my alternator was fine and that I had no problems. I saw the light and insisted that something was wrong. The mechanic told me that he didn’t see a light telling me that the alternator was faulty, but I insisted and demanded that he replace it. The mechanic did what I requested and, after spending around $200 on the repair, drove away with a new alternator, only to have the light come on again after I had been driving for about an hour. At this point, I decided to go to my glove compartment and look in the owner’s manual to see what this light meant. What I found was that my car was low on anti-freeze, and the reason that the mechanic didn’t see the light was because the car was sitting still, so the fluid was not moving around and causing the sensor to react. So I went to an auto parts store, spent $15 on a gallon of anti-freeze, filled up the reservoir and the light went out and stayed out. Knowing that there was no way that I could get a refund on the alternator, I looked at the situation as a $200 lesson, telling me that I should have consulted the instruction manual before going off on my own.

The bible is the word of God, and is the instruction manual for our lives. The bible tells us what we need to do in order to live according to how God desires us to, and it also tells us what will happen to us if we do not obey. Just like the instruction manual for the device tells us how to make the device work, it also tells us what things that we should not do, and what to do if certain things go wrong, because the manufacturer knows that these things could go wrong. When we get saved, like the bible says in 2nd Corinthians 5:17 “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation”, and as a new creation, this means that we have a new instruction manual. 

To read the rest of this passage, pick up a copy of Things That I Learned from the Word @ Amazon.com (goo.gl/nj7ywA)

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Stop Making Excuses for Failures

One thing that I notice from my children is that they always have a reason regarding what happened when they fail or they don’t measure up. While nearly everything that happens can possibly be explained, many times, when a person does not meet their goal or does not accomplish what they set out to accomplish, the reason usually is that the person fell short of reaching their goal and there is no other explanation necessary.

When I speak to my children, I often have to explain to them the difference between a “reason” and an “excuse”. The definition of a “reason” is a statement presented in justification or explanation of a belief or action, while “excuse” is defined as a reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense. While it appears that these words mean the same, using the word “reason” to define “excuse”, and using “action” in the definition of one and “fault” in the definition of the other uncovers the difference. When something happens, we can explain it by stating the reason. When something bad happens, we try to explain it away by making an excuse.

If a person who rips their pants says that they fell and skinned their knee, which is how the pants ripped, they are explaining the reason that their pants are ripped and that their knee is bloody. However, when a person says that their homework is not complete because they had trouble understanding the work, yet they neglected to ask for help, they are making an excuse in an attempt to cover up their not asking for help when they were struggling with their work. It is here where I attempt to instruct my children on the difference between the two words.

I often tell my children, and other young people that I am fortunate enough to speak with, that when we use excuses to cover up our failures or our lack of effort; we are attempting to justify our own mediocrity or our own flaws. If a child does not understand their math homework, and if the parents cannot help, surely, there is someone who can, even if the child has to go to the teacher to explain that the child does not understand the work. However, when the child comes home and says that the class was too noisy for the child to be able to ask a question, or that the teacher didn’t pause during class for questions, I explain to my children that these are excuses for the child’s lack of effort and possibly, the child’s lack of commitment.

It is important that all people, both young and old, understand that unless we have done everything in our power to manage or overcome a problem, any explanation of our failure is probably an excuse because if there is more that we can do to solve the problem, then we should not be focusing on the failure. The truth is that we should be evaluating the failure so that we can determine an alternative course of action.

One thing that we as parents have to remember is that often times, the children do not realize that they have not exhausted all avenues for solving their problems. They will tell us that they are failing in a class because the teacher is too hard, but they do not realize that if someone is passing the class, then there is something that the passing child has figured out that the failing child has not. The child may believe that the teacher is simply too hard, and if a couple of other students are also struggling, then this must be the reason, but if one or more children are passing, the child might not have considered asking the passing children for help, but this would be a child admitting that they need help, and getting a child to do that is a topic for another day.

Parents have to understand that children are going to make excuses for their failures. As parents, our job is to take the excuses and turn them into teaching moments and opportunities to introduce the other options to our children. If the child thinks that the teacher is too hard, then we let the child know that if a single child is passing, then that child should become a resource. However, the most important thing that we can teach our children is to not accept failure and mediocrity, and to teach them that success comes from continued effort.