Often, as a father, I am put in the position of assisting my children with problems that might have been avoidable with some foresight on the part of the children. Many times, children get into situations, particularly in settings where they are functioning closely with others from their age groups, where they are intimidated by the prospect of what other children will think of them for asking for help or pretending to care about whatever it is in which they are involved. This situation is particularly prevalent in school settings.
Frequently, children will allow themselves to struggle through a challenging class as opposed to simply asking a question in class or seeking help from a tutor or an older relative who might be proficient in that particular subject. The reluctance to ask for help on the part of the child often comes from the child fearing being labeled as a “bookworm” or a “nerd” because they care more about learning in school than Pop Culture or the opposite sex. As such, the child will not ask for help from the teacher, but at the same time, the child will try to convince the parent that they fully understand the subject, while the child’s grade shows otherwise.
I have often had to tell my children that they should become advocates for themselves. I mention to the children that they must work hard for everything they want from life, but I also state that they must take advantage of every available resource. One area where my children have struggled is the notion that any work assigned and completed inside of the classroom should afford the child an easy passing grade simply because the child not only has the textbook as a resource but also has access to the teacher and the teacher’s knowledge. The problem is that many children are afraid to ask questions in class because they believe they will be made fun of by the other children for not knowing a particular thing. The truth is, however, in many cases, many of the children in the class have the same or similar questions but are also experiencing the same reluctance to be seen as dumb or as someone who truly cares about their education.
For these reasons, I have told my children that they have to become advocates for themselves. They must do all they can to get as much from their education as possible. Raising a hand in class and asking a question might get the child teased temporarily, but once the child has grasped the concept from the lesson, the same children who teased the child will invariably turn to that child for assistance understanding the material.
I have told my children that the future will ask them to earn a living and raise a family, and to do this, the children will need options regarding how they will support themselves and their families. Even the child who desires to become a professional athlete, an entertainer, or an artist of some kind has to be able to make money until they can make money doing that which they desire the most, but to make money and support a family while pursuing a dream, education matters, and that education starts with working to get every ounce from the teachers and the schools.
Children also have to learn that parents will not think less of them if the children are not perfect students. Once children can admit to their parents that they are not perfect students and might need help with a topic, the children then allow the parents to become additional resources towards the children’s educational success. I am strong in math and history, while my wife is proficient in English, particularly grammar and syntax. Regarding the subjects where we are not as strong, like science, we have friends in the medical profession who willingly help our children when asked, just as we do for their children in subjects we know better. Children also need to tap into these resources because adult relatives can be educational resources.
Peer pressure and the fear of not fitting in or being accepted are real among young people, and this fear controls many of their decisions. However, it is necessary that children understand, and that we as parents help them to understand, that in the end, what they get out of life will result directly from what they put into their lives. Children who don’t get all they can out of school or who cannot overcome the fear of rejection from their peers because they excel educationally will often have trouble navigating their futures due to having fewer professional options. I have told my children that they must, above all else, look out for themselves and their futures and should allow whoever can help with their pursuits to do so.
