Helpers Need Help Too

A question that I hear a lot is who helps the helpers. There are people on this planet whose life work, accidentally or on purpose, is helping others. Whether they are pastors, doctors, or a co-worker on the job who seems to know a little about everything, these people are always there when someone needs help. Unfortunately, these same people often do not know who to turn to when they need help.

These people do not know who to turn to, as they are unwilling to admit to not having the answers for themselves. Looking objectively at someone else’s situation is easier for a helper than looking internally. However, helpers need to know that there someone can help them.

Recently, a friend of mine was going through a crisis, and this person’s only recourse was cryptic messages on social media. The posts did not accurately convey this person’s situation, and as such, their social media connections had more questions than answers. If this person, who is a helper, had reached out to another helper within their inner circle, they might have been able to gain a greater insight into their problem and possibly achieve a sense of what their next course of action should be. Instead, my friend still had unresolved issues, and their social media connections could only worry, hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel.

The fact is that as people, we know less about ourselves than others do. The reason is that we cannot be objective with ourselves. People see us for what we are, while we see ourselves as we believe we are. This distinction keeps us from realizing or accepting that we might need help from someone else, especially if we are helpers ourselves. However, helpers need to know that they are not the only helpers in the world and that there is someone in their circle that can be what they are to everyone else.

In short, do not be afraid to ask for help, especially if you are a helper. The wisdom that you can gain from being helped might be helpful to someone else down the line.

Asking For Help Does Not Make One Weak

When I was in high school, Driver’s Ed was a required class, and I took it during the 2^nd semester of my 10^th grade year. After the class, I could have gotten my driving permit, but because I wasn’t willing to discuss things with other people, I didn’t. I took Driver’s Training during the 1^st semester of my 11^th grade year, and after the class, I could have gotten my driver’s license, but because I wasn’t willing to discuss things with people, I didn’t. When I finally went to the DMV to take the written test, so much time had passed since taking Driver’s Ed, and since I hadn’t studied, I failed the test twice. I passed the test a year later, but I went from possibly having a driver’s license at 15, to getting it a few months shy of 17; not a big difference, but a difference. 

During this same time, I had amassed enough credits to be able to graduate from high school one semester early. However, when I approached my counselor to tell her that I was ready to leave school, she asked me if I had taken the Civics class that was required for seniors. When I realized that I hadn’t, I was forced to return to school for an additional semester in order to take a single class. As it turned out, if I had spoken to my counselor before my senior year in high school, I would have known about the class, would have taken the class, and would have finished high school one semester early. 

The meaning of this is that young people often convince themselves that older generations are not able to relate to the modern times, and thus cannot offer advice or information that will help the current generation. The truth is that experience is a great teacher, and people who have experienced things can use those experiences as educational tools for the next generations. 

I always tell my children that they need to be willing to, and cannot be afraid to, ask for help. It is possible to learn things on one’s own, but at times, there will be a need to get answers from people who have information that we do not have, or who can give us insight into an unknown situation, like with my driver’s license. 

Asking for help does not make a person weak or inferior. In fact, the opposite is true. Greater strength is required when we admit that we do not know everything, and that help is needed, or that we simply need to speak to someone about our situation. Stewing in a vat of misinformation does not make us stronger. Asking for help shows strength, and receiving help when needed strengthens us even more.