Asking For Help Does Not Make One Weak

When I was in high school, Driver’s Ed was a required class, and I took it during the 2^nd semester of my 10^th grade year. After the class, I could have gotten my driving permit, but because I wasn’t willing to discuss things with other people, I didn’t. I took Driver’s Training during the 1^st semester of my 11^th grade year, and after the class, I could have gotten my driver’s license, but because I wasn’t willing to discuss things with people, I didn’t. When I finally went to the DMV to take the written test, so much time had passed since taking Driver’s Ed, and since I hadn’t studied, I failed the test twice. I passed the test a year later, but I went from possibly having a driver’s license at 15, to getting it a few months shy of 17; not a big difference, but a difference. 

During this same time, I had amassed enough credits to be able to graduate from high school one semester early. However, when I approached my counselor to tell her that I was ready to leave school, she asked me if I had taken the Civics class that was required for seniors. When I realized that I hadn’t, I was forced to return to school for an additional semester in order to take a single class. As it turned out, if I had spoken to my counselor before my senior year in high school, I would have known about the class, would have taken the class, and would have finished high school one semester early. 

The meaning of this is that young people often convince themselves that older generations are not able to relate to the modern times, and thus cannot offer advice or information that will help the current generation. The truth is that experience is a great teacher, and people who have experienced things can use those experiences as educational tools for the next generations. 

I always tell my children that they need to be willing to, and cannot be afraid to, ask for help. It is possible to learn things on one’s own, but at times, there will be a need to get answers from people who have information that we do not have, or who can give us insight into an unknown situation, like with my driver’s license. 

Asking for help does not make a person weak or inferior. In fact, the opposite is true. Greater strength is required when we admit that we do not know everything, and that help is needed, or that we simply need to speak to someone about our situation. Stewing in a vat of misinformation does not make us stronger. Asking for help shows strength, and receiving help when needed strengthens us even more.

The "They" that is Holding You Back Might Actually Be "You"

Many times in our lives, both as children and as adults, we find ourselves in situations where we are not sure why the bad thing that has happened to us has happened. Often times, when we are at a loss for a logical explanation, we will simply say that “they” didn’t want us to succeed. However, what we need to ask ourselves is “they” really who we think it is.

I knew a young lady some years ago who was a very good worker with really good skills in her chosen profession. Whatever the job was that she was given, she could do the work expertly and quickly, but this was her problem. She would often be released from positions, but whenever she was questioned about her terminations; her answer would always be “they don’t like me on that job”. When I would ask her who “they” was, she would say “everybody on the job”, meaning the bosses, her co-workers and everyone else. I would try to explain that it was unlikely that everyone at the company disliked her personally, and the reality of the situation would often be much different.

After discussing the situation with her, I would discover that being highly skilled would allow her to complete her assigned work very quickly. However, once she was done with her work, she would sit at her desk with nothing to do until quitting time. When her supervisors would ask why she was not working, she would explain that she had finished her work and that no one has assigned her any new work. When the supervisors would ask why she hadn’t asked her co-workers if they needed help with their work, she usually didn’t have an answer, and it would be this lack of initiative that would lead to her dismissal. The point of this is that before we blame “they”, we need to figure out what, if any, part we might have played on our own trouble.

My children have come to learn that no matter what happens in their lives, there is almost always a cause and effect, meaning that something probably happened that caused that other thing to happen. If one child is crying and is running to me to tell me that the other child has hit him or her, I will ask the child who was hit what happened just before they were hit. Sometimes, after taking the events in reverse order, through several exchanges, the person who was hit actually began the chain of events that ended with the child being hit by the other child. While the hitting child will be disciplined for resorting to violence to resolve a conflict, the child who was hit will be educated with regards to the fact that something that they did eventually led to them being hit, and that it is not just a situation of the other child being mean to them.

What we as people have to do, before we claim that no one wants to hire us because they don’t like us, or because of our race or gender, we should look at ourselves. Before we claim that society is holding us back, we should look at ourselves. Maybe we have a Twitter account or a Facebook account that has disturbing information on it. Maybe our previous employer intimated that we didn’t work very hard. Maybe we have an arrest for theft, and now an employer that has an opening for someone to handle money doesn’t trust us to be honest. In short, there might be things about us that are keeping us from succeeding or advancing.

What I have told my children is that in some instances, the “they” that is causing the problem is actually us. The person that is holding us back could be us. We could actually be in our own way, but we are blaming “they” because we do not want to admit that we are not doing enough to help ourselves. Unfortunately,  before we blame “they”, we have to examine the situation, and look at all of the events that led to the happening that we are upset over, because we might find out that the “they” that is in our way is actually “us”.