The notion of being angry at one person or situation and
taking that anger out on a different person is known as misplaced or displaced
anger. Many people find that when they are angry with one person or situation,
every other person or thing they encounter reignites those feelings. Sadly,
this creates tension and hurt feelings where they are not necessary.
Often when people are angry, they are fully aware of the source of the anger. They know and can acknowledge what made them mad, but seldom is the issue resolved. Once the person is angry, efforts to resolve the problem cease, and the person walks away with hurt feelings that fester unchecked. Because of this, the pain caused by the hurt follows the person throughout future encounters.
The simple cure for this is to discuss the feelings. If the hurt comes from an argument or conversation, stop the discussion and indicate to the other party that what just occurred was hurtful. This way, once both parties address the hurt feelings, the conversation can continue and can be more fruitful because now each person is aware that they are treading into painful areas. Unfortunately, once a person has hurt the other, both parties start to believe that the other is not entitled to feelings, which opens the door to more pain.
Another option is to discuss the feelings with a neutral third party. The party should be someone who has nothing to gain by telling the truth. Speaking to an outsider will help the person to address their pain before it transfers to someone else. Many parents attempt to teach their children this very lesson. Talking about their feelings allows people to put what is inside on the outside. Often, hearing what we are feeling helps us understand what we are holding inside. From this, we might be able to discover the best method for resolving the hurt.
Displacing anger is similar to pouring gas on a fire. Instead of solving one issue by addressing the hurt feelings, the injured party starts injuring others, which leads to a community of hurt feelings. I’m mad at you, so I hurt someone else. That person is now mad at me, so he hurts someone else, and so on. Suddenly, an entire household or office is full of people upset for one reason or another due to the spark that ignited a larger flame.
Instead of staying angry when feelings are hurt or transferring that hurt to someone else, take the time to address the source of the pain and resolve the issue. This way, innocent bystanders are not injured because you were made at someone and chose to take it out on someone else.
