With the Truth, The Story Never Changes

Often, when people talk to the same people time and time again, things that one person might have heard from another person during one conversation will be contradicted or disputed during a different conversation. This is because some people will tell whatever story they feel represents them the best at the time of the telling. The problem with this is that if people can remember what you said the first time, they will realize that you are not telling the same story the next time, which is why I have told my children that if they tell the truth every time, the narrative will never change.

People lie, there is no denying that. Sometimes people lie because they want to seem more important, and sometimes people lie because they do not want to have to discuss the truth. Still other times, people lie because they know that the person with whom they are speaking will not like or appreciate the truth (e.g., Does this dress make me look fat?). Whatever the reason, if we feel that it is necessary to tell an untruth, or if we tell untruths unconsciously, it is often difficult to retain the lies over time. It is because of this that many parents are able to know when their children are lying. The parent simply waits for the contradiction, and then refers the child back to the original conversation.

I have often told my children that if they tell the truth all of the time, the narrative will never change. If on one occasion a person says that they do not like a person of a certain race, their statement that they have no problem with people of that race becomes a direct contradiction of the previous statement. However, if they say how they truly feel and always speak truthfully about that issue, they will never be caught in a contradictory situation.

Telling the truth is something that should come easily because the truth is seldom something that has to be thought about or considered before it is told. A lie usually has to be crafted, unless the lie was prepared in advance. In many occasions, a person who was lied to will be angrier about finding out in the future that they had been lied to in the past than they would be if they had been lied to and had detected it immediately. This is why I have told my children that if they tell the truth all of the time, then the narrative never changes.

If You Don't Know...Ask

Whenever we as parents talk to our children about peer pressure, we talk about things like drugs, sex and crime, but perhaps the worst peer pressure comes in school with the fear of being labeled “stupid” or a dummy for asking a question in class. When the teacher is going over a lesson in class, more often than not, children will have questions, and quite often, several children will have the same question, but these children will elect not to ask their question because they do not want the other kids to make fun of them for not being smart enough to understand the lesson.

One of the things that I have told my children is that through the course of their education, they have to be the person who makes sure that they finish school with whatever education they need in order to benefit the rest of their lives. I tell them that the only way that this is going to happen is if they take ownership of their education, and do whatever it takes to make sure that they learn everything that they can, and generally, this means asking questions when they don’t understand something. I tell them that the other kids probably have the same questions, but they are just as afraid to ask them because they do not want to get teased either.

I understand that being teased in school is harsh, but I try to get my children to understand the endgame of school, which is success in life. Education is the key to being able to do whatever they want to in life, and to making whatever money they want to make. I tell them that the only way that this can happen is if they look beyond some name calling and look towards their future, when they will appreciate the knowledge that they would have gained through school, in particular, the extra that would have come from asking the question that the other children were afraid to ask.